life, love and relationship

He is the one, I can’t forget him (How to move on)

There’s this trend in telenovelas and other love movies that is so deceptive. The movie usually starts with some two people that are destined to be together. The guy may give birth with three women and the women will either lose the babies, die in an accident — anything to make sure the guy finally ends up with the “girl” of the movie.

This idea from the media has had great impact on how some of us see love and the person we are supposedly in love with. We tend to think that after all that we’ve been through, we are definitely meant to be together. What happens then when there’s a breakup?

We forget the dead more easily than the hurt from a breakup

When we lose a loved one, we may be more hurt than we are when there’s a break up. However, we are able to move on most of the time because our subconscious mind understands that they are gone forever. If you still have a 1% belief that you can be together with this guy, you’re not going to move on. People tend to jump into a rebound relationship to replace this guy quickly, which is not a good idea.

How to move on

If you follow this totally, chances are, you’ll move on in a maximum of two weeks. Yeah, it’s not easy but it’s that possible.

Cry if you have to:
People try to hide their feelings and go about doing things that makes them hyperactive. It makes them forget the pain temporarily. I’m not saying it’s bad to go out with friends. It’s actually good, but you’ll come home feeling worse once it’s over. You need to allow yourself sink down; cry if you must. Once you’ve done that, you’re ready to rise again!

Change your mindset:
Sometimes the only reason why you’re hurting yourself is that, you want to prove to yourself and the world that you truly loved the guy. You believe so strongly that somehow, love conquers all; that he’ll come back to you when he realizes how much you love him. Truth is, he won’t. Unless he has low self-esteem and is in dire need of love; and not getting that from anyone.

Also, you think your life is a love story and he’s the ‘guy’ of the movie and you’re the ‘girl’ of the movie. Movies are made to fetch money. No matter how real they try to make it, it may not always fit reality! Just one test of that. Why do they always use really pretty girls and handsome guys in such moves? Are we all so physically appealing? It’s just not real. No one ever marries a man with a pot belly in telenovelas! But it happens in real life. In fact stop watching them!

Send “it’s over” signals to your brain
You need to let your subconscious mind know it’s over by taking certain actions and repeating the ones that you can repeat.

Start by putting everything that reminds you of him in boxes. Throw the ones you can throw away, burn the ones you can burn.

Delete his pictures from your phone, facebook, Instagram. If need be, block him. Do all this while not allowing negative emotions like hatred to fill your heart. How? Remember self talk ? We talked about that in Stop over thinking! –Breaking the negative snowball effect
Stop your thoughts from straying into the negatives by talking back to yourself when these thoughts start rolling out. You may hear something like this: He’s such a jerk, how could he just call me one day and say “it’s not working, let’s go our separate ways”?. Just respond to such a thought with a self talk like: Such things do happen. Life is full of ups and downs, full of lessons. No need thinking of all this.

Send more signals — Delete the sweet messages you’ve been reading over and over. Delete phone call history. You’re not deleting these things just because seeing them reminds you of him, but also because the mere action of deleting these things makes your brain realize that it’s over. And it also makes you feel lighter.

Stop counter “it’s over” signals

You shouldn’t tell the entire world about your love life. That way, you’ll have less people to deal with. The more people talk to you about it, the more the incident will be replayed and refreshed in your brain. But at this point, let’s not talk about what you should’ve and shouldn’t have done. Avoid telling too many people. Avoid explaining to too many people.

Stop listening to love songs. Especially songs that reminds you of him. The urge to listen to slow, romantic, love songs is so high at this time that, you may give in. But that’ll only make you weak. You’ll keep thinking of him. Stop listening to love songs, stop watching romantic moves, stop reading romantic books. Don’t just stop and sleep, listen to encouraging songs, spirit-lifting songs, read great self development books like Goals and 7 habits of highly effective people.

Don’t talk to his friends about how bad what he did was. Just leave him out of every subject.

Pray! You’re so broken that you need your spirit strengthened, then your soul then your heart. Pray and give your broken heart to Jesus. Get closer to the Holy Spirit now than ever! You can’t do this all by yourself. Pray for every bitterness and pain to leave your heart. Just pray; say the words, say what you want!

It’s time to try something new

At this point, it’s time to go out with friends and have fun. Don’t do it while wishing that he never gets a girl like you, just do your thing. Don’t wish him bad, just wish yourself good. Try new activities. Go to new places. Learn a new skill. Fill the void with more awesome things. Don’t stay home rotting in bed. You deserve more love from yourself than he deserves from you.

See it as an opportunity
This is an opportunity to rebuild your personality, character, values, skills — yourself! Don’t lose this opportunity by jumping into another relationship. Pull yourself together and upgrade to a newer version of yourself.

Remnants of pain

You may still feel a little pain from time to time, whenever it crosses your mind. This will also fade with time. Time heals all wounds, but you have the ability to speed up the healing process. Some never begin the process. They remain in a state of denial for years. Now go and be happy! 😀


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